Wow yes. I’m sure everyone has felt that way.

I have felt it at least 2-3 times when I ‘should’ be happy. I think I suffer from the idea that the grass is greener. Also, that whenever I’m happy that I don’t deserve it (imposter syndrome). The net result is I’m never truly happy, unless I’m miserable.

First time; ok I’m in the closet and in my 20s. I just graduated university after nearly flunking out because of depression, but I get over it and I have the world at my feet. I got a boyfriend by some weird fluke of nature, and we move in together and my parents find out and it’s sort of fine after a bit. I feel like it’s not as scary as I thought and maybe this is who I am so it’s fine.

Then I see like, my entire life is fucked. I can’t have a family and people are going to see me as some gay guy. Whatever I do, I’ll just be seen as some dude who sucks cocks. I was literally sitting on my couch and I had ‘that moment’ where I saw myself 3rd person and everything went tunnel vision.

So yeah I nope out of that. Was just an experiment not a big deal, everyone’s a bit bisexual.

So now I have a cool wife and I’m pretty successful at work. I’ve fully graduated as an architect after a lot of pain, nominated for award (not won though) been on TV in magazines. Like wow, I’m ok. Then I realise I’m a fucking liar and I don’t deserve any of this. She doesn’t like me she just likes what I’m pretending to be. Also, I don’t really like her at all. I feel like she’s abusing me and I’m scamming her. Also, most of my designs I steal off Pinterest.

But yeah. I’ve had moments.