24y/o - Warning wall of text below. I could use any advice though.
So I'm going to start with when I noticed myself changing. Back in February I had to leave my old apartment with my long time S/O to move back home. Our landlord was losing her house so we had to get out quick. We both agreed it would be best to move home until we can save some money and find a new place (that never happened). When that happened I noticed how I went from enjoying doing this outside and experiencing different things to enjoying staying in and playing video games with some friends and watching movies. Losing your "home" is always hard I'm sure.
My S/O went from coming over every night to only once a week. She was probably bored of me and I admit that. We started becoming very distant and losing things we had in common quite quickly. Both our sex drives were down also, especially mine but whenever I tried initiating something she would complain. This is when I started thinking this won't last. When we used to live together we did everything from watching movies, taking walks, playing games and being adventurous and exploring our town. But when we moved out the only thing we had in common was our love for Rick and Morty. Seriously. She was a drinker while I was a smoker (marijuana). I didn't enjoy going out to bars but did enjoy doing things outside in general.
When I moved back home I also started to focus on my future and what I want to do with my life. This might have been to keep my mind off of losing my "home" and not loving with my S/O anymore. I pursued my career in coding by spending a lot of time studying on my own (not in school) I would come home from work super motivated and just study until I passed out. This went on for about 8 months. Slowly my relationship with my S/O kept getting more and more distant. I started to notice we had very little in common. She didn't like any of my hobbies and one big one was my love to create games, websites and programs.
After having some issues with my lungs I decided to cut down on the smoking and sitting inside coding to get more exercise outdoors. I started paintballing regularly because it's a great sport and awesome exercise! I was invited onto a team and It's currently my favorite hobby and it's something I really look forward to especially with the group.
But here is when I really started to notice my change. When I cut down on smoking I completely lost all my motivation. I lost all my creativity, I lost deep thinking and honestly myself. I don't even recognize the person I was 3 month ago. I'm a completely different person and I don't know if I like it. But I always thought smoking was supposed to lower motivation. I knew I had to slow down with my issues and did but I just don't feel "happy". I don't feel as sharp and quick as I though I might be. I thought I would have super motivation and be able to finish stuff quicker. It's the complete opposite.
Also, I recently split with my S/O due to trust issues since I found out my S/O was going out behind my back and not letting me know. My S/O was no longer my teammate and my S/O made me angry often with all sorts of bullshit. We haven't talked since.
I'm worried if I changed this much so quickly I'm going to continue to change. I have a passion for coding but don't even pursue it anymore. I don't have any motivation to do anything except paintball. I have a decent job but it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I know I'm destined for bigger and better things. Or maybe I'm not at this rate. I have also considered myself very "intelligent" and often thought that the amount I think would be my downfall. Literally my mind runs 1,000,000 miles an hour with thoughts and they never seem to slow down or end.
If you read this I'll take any advice. I don't want to lose myself. I don't know what to do.
PS I tried Therapy and it wasn't for me... I felt like they too fake and don't really understand.
TLDR: I went from being super happy, motivated, focused, and in love to not giving two shits about my dreams / projects and having no motivation.