[Serious] For those who struggle with depression and suicidal ideation - what do you most want to hear from people who want to offer comfort or help? What don't you want to hear?

I'm at the point where I haven't got any help yet and don't want to hear anything from anyone. I know I SHOULD talk to someone but whenever I think about talking to someone I immediately regret it and go back to my daily routine. I had an appointment with a doctor about a year ago , I felt like it was a huge step for me but I never showed up to the appointment. I don't know why but I feel like I don't need help while at the same time I know that I do. I am constantly anxious about the most insignificant things (while I'm writing this I'm shaking for some reason) , I'm thinking about killing myself almost every waking hour and 2 years ago I started injuring myself to the point where I had to lie to friends and family about visible wounds that I still have, because I somehow find it amusing. Whenever I go to sleep it takes me 1-2 hours to fall asleep because I feel like something is in the room with me and makes my heart pound like crazy until I calm myself, I even woke up several nights in a row and was so afraid to turn around because I though something was watching at me and sat in the exact same position for about an hour until I fell asleep again. There was also this one time my mom visited me and while walking into a room for some reason I though that a big fucking insect was heading towards me and I freaked out and started waving my arms left and right because I thought it was on my face , she was freaked out obviously but we never talked about it , guess she forgot it. There was another time that happened to me but I was alone. There is also this voice in my head from when I was 9 years old , I read about a character in a book called Atlantas and since then I gave the voice inside my head this name although I haven't spoken to him for half a year but I speak with several other people inside my head. I don't know what's wrong with me and I'm really scared to go to a doctor or take medication. I don't even know why I wrote down all this , I just wanted to get some of it off my chest and sorry for not being exactly on-topic.

/r/AskReddit Thread