He was a happy kid. At least from what I knew & saw. He ALWAYS had this goofy grin on his face and his laugh would make anyone crack a smile. He was sarcastic as shit and not always the sweetest guy but he could always make me smile. Everyone told me he was in love with me but I never saw that. He was more like a brother to me.

Anyways he was never the most popular with the ladies but he finally got his first serious girlfriend that year (important later). About half way thru the semester his step mother was found dead in the family pool. Then he found out his girlfriend had been cheating on him with his best friend and I honestly believe that's what broke him.

One day my friend called me and her words will always replay in my mind when I think of him.. "Nick shot himself". At first I didn't believe it but she was crying and I was forced to recognize that this was for real. I attended his funeral which was an open casket & that screwed me up. I've never known death until I saw my 18 year old friend laying in a casket.

Honestly, I think about him quite often. I used to think suicide was selfish as fuck but now I don't look at it that way. He didn't want to live anymore. He was so sad and alone and angry that he just didn't want to go on. It's selfish for us to try and keep people here that absolutely do not want to stay here. The world can be a cruel fucking place.. Sometimes I don't blame him but wish he would've came to me.. maybe I could've done something. Anything.

I try to be nicer to people and empathize with everyone and their little problems. I try to help others and I'm always there when someone needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Maybe I want to try and save others because I couldn't save him.. I think about him whenever I look up to the stars or when I pass by my old high school.. He's gone but he will never die because he lives on in my heart