[Serious]Friends of suicide victims, how did their death affect you?

I've lost a couple friends from suicide, including my best friend, David.

I grew up with David, we had quite a bit in common. The primary "thing" being music. I played guitar, David played bass. I began playing at a very early age, David began four years later at a very early age as well (10). Every day after school we would play in his garage. Over time we became very talented for our age.

Throughout middle school we played with a few different bands. We ultimately decided that we just wanted to play, not tour. We were both very different in the same ways. We both hated school, though I excelled without much effort he was unable to do the same. Ultimately when we were 14 my high school decided that David was no longer worth the trouble. They decided to kick him out.

I am not sure if all states have "continuation" high schools; however, California does. Basically what these are are 'last chance' schools. David saw this as a real opportunity. An opportunity to graduate early so that he could move out sooner. David's dad did not see it this way.

Instead of comforting David, he spoke down to him. Calling him a loser, or a fuck up etc. David told me that things at home were getting progressively worse. His dad wouldn't let it go. There are several theories that his dad had gotten physical. I personally do not believe this. I had seen David the night before. There were no obvious marks, nor did he mention his father hitting him.

The night before we played one last song. Metallica's Fade to Black. It was a song that both of us identified with. He packed up his bass and amp, and I packed mine up. We skated down the street for a few before departing. We said our farewells and I headed home.

The following morning I arrive at school. The police pulled me aside and began essentially interrogating me. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. The officer kept asking me where a kid like David might be able to purchase pain killers. I told him I had no idea and asked what was going on. The officer was putoff by the fact that I had no idea that my friend, David, had killed himself.

That night after we split David was kicked out of his father's house. David took a bottle of whisky, and a handful of pain killers under a bridge. David's father attempted to paint it as another junkie who accidentally overdosed; however, David hated hard drugs. He was not a pill popper by any means.

My freshman year of high school my best friend killed himself. I never received counseling or therapy. The other kids who made fun of us quickly claimed to be very 'distraught' over his death. Quickly everyone was his bestfriend. Everyone had 'been there for him'....it made me furious.

I never attended his funeral - I was not allowed to. However, I still visit his grave. When I do visit I play the intro to Fade to Black just for him. I'm not religious, however, it comforts me.

As for how it's affected me. I am told I am musically talented...though I don't much care for 'making it'. Because no matter how well I play I'll never play to David's rhythm again.

I miss ya, buddy.

/r/AskReddit Thread