I was just watching netflix in bed with my girlfriend. We were nearing the finale of breaking bad and we just finished an episode. We sat there for awhile joking around. It was about 5pm and the day was going like any other Friday. I didn't have class. I had the day off of work. Very normal, good day. I noticed her phone blowing up from a group chat she had with her friends. Like I always do, I snooped on her phone to see what her friends were talking about. However, the first thing to pop up on my phone was the worst thing I have every read in my life. "Oh my god. Did you guys hear that Andrew ____ died?". The world literally stopped and if I'm being honest, I thought it was a joke. I tried to rationalize it as a joke. One of my best friends since 7th grade and I had to find out he had died through my girlfriend's group chat. There's no way. I scrambled for my phone and sure enough my phone was blowing up to. I immediately called my best friend who was currently attending college in Nevada. We talked a bit and I could barely speak I was so shook up. He crashed his car into a pillar on the freeway earlier that day. Words can't even describe what it's like. Someone with so much life is just gone like that. I had just hung out with him a weep before because we go to the same community college in our hometown. I felt completely numb. I never thought someone so close to me could be gone like that. It's as if you and the people around you seem invincible, so when something like this happens, it shakes your whole world. I met up with my 2 friends who were still in town. The rest of our "squad" as we call it was off in different colleges, alone. We all knew that Andrew had problems and his closest friend out of all of us, We'll call him Grant, was almost certain that he was bipolar. He hid it really well around us because whenever we were all together it was in good spirits. Most of us just didn't see enough of how sad he was to truly act on it and I guess he woke up that morning and made the decision to do that to himself. It made me angry knowing he could have just talked to us. We all love each other and we'll always be here for eachother. I feel so guilty knowing there's something I didn't see. This happened last month and my life is completely changed. I try to live life the way he would have. It's still hard to truly grasp what has happened. I can't believe I'll never see him again. Everyone from highschool came to the memorial service. Even the people he hated. That's what we loved about him, his inability to just warm up to people so easily. He was very cynical and had a unique sense of humor very much like ours. A friend pointed out the irony of a certain kid, we'll call him Chris Johnson, coming to the memorial service despite one of Andrew's tweets "Fuck Chris Johnson". And it wasn't sarcastic. Needless to say, it's much easier to get through times like this when you have friends around to talk to and that's exactly what we've all done. We've all been there for each-other. Rest In Peace Andrew. I'm sorry we weren't there for you enough, Just know that we love and miss you.