3. [Serious]Friends of suicide victims, how did their death affect you?

[Serious]Friends of suicide victims, how did their death affect you?

My dad was a struggling alcoholic but it only came to light when I entered high school. I had a rough time as a teenager for a couple years. Social anxiety, depression, and being bullied made me drop out of high school for a little while, even though I always did well academically. My parents were disappointed as hell, and my dad and I fought bitterly about it. If he was drunk, he'd hit me and say awful things, like I was a failure, that I'd end up a hooker, etc. My mom and I left. After their divorce, his alcoholism got way worse. He completely gave up on recovery, and killed himself in the fall of sophomore year of college.

A month before he died, he called me crying, apologizing for everything. I asked him not to do anything stupid. (In my head, this meant giving up on rehabilitation.) He said he couldn't promise me anything.

Am I allowed to miss him, after he treated me so badly during high school? I have so many wonderful memories of him before everything happened... The alcohol made him a bad person. I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad for him and I have to hide it from my mom and brother, or anyone else who knew what was really happening. (My big brother flat out hates him for it.) I blame myself all the time. I shouldn't have taken sides in the divorce. I shouldn't have been such a bratty teenager, and I should've done better in high school. I should've called him more while I was away at college. I should've stayed with him during the summer and helped him straighten his life out and get into rehab...

I know he was sick and there's nothing a teenager girl could have done to fix all the problems of a grown man.. but I just want my daddy back. :/ Of course, that's selfish, he was suffering and wasn't the same person that raised me anymore. He's been gone for two years and I've been depressed since then. Everything is different now. I'm one of 'those' people, who lost a parent decades too early, and it's not fair. I think about him all the time. Maybe I should go to therapy. Thanks for letting me vent, Reddit.

/r/AskReddit Thread
Previous
Next

Recently removed from /r/AskReddit

If you were in charge, how would you solve America’s mass shooting problem without it devolving into further violence or chaos? How have you almost died? [serious] What is the worst physical pain you have ever experienced? What are you extraordinarily good at and how did you get that way? US military veterans and active personell who still support the GOP after 217 out of 222 republicans voted to cut veterans care. Why? What is the most interesting story you have of an ancestor (past your parent’s generation)? What should be the 8th deadly sin? What’s something that changed/disappeared because of Covid that still hasn’t returned? In honor of Jerry Springers passing, what's the most Jerry Springer situation you have witnessed or experienced in real life? What’s something that changed/disappeared because of Covid that still hasn’t returned? Women of Reddit, what are some safety precautions/tips that you would highly recommend for any woman who is going on a date? What’s a life-saving tip you think everyone should know? What is the biggest secret you've ever kept from your family? divorced people of reddit, when did you know it was over? [serious] What is the biggest secret you've ever kept from your family?

More Random Comments

What are the differences in guns used by military, law enforcement, and civilians? New Year, New Changes : announcing No Crime January Why does Prince Harry keep going on the news, making a documentary, and generally advertising his life even though he says he wants privacy and to be left alone? My hero academia villains are awful Who is Yoimiya's best support? Prior to my previous post TIFU by almost dying Any other dumpers here? How do you feel? How do I kill this? Several have popped up and scraping it off doesn't seem to work.. Reviravolta triste no meu caso com a menina do supermercado "Zero consequence culture" is failing students and destroying the school system MnK Players: nErF aIm aSsiSt!!1 Also MnK Players: An argument against Avatar: The Way of Water Making sense of DM's behavior Hahaha... Anyone else find it funny that the media has gotten so used to giving Millennials the middle finger that they regularly mislabel Gen Z issues as still being us? We literally grew up with these movies... we aren't the ones just discovering them now.