I was a self centered piece of shit. Used my parents divorce as an excuse to justify my poor behavior. Worst of all I downplayed my intelligence to try and fit in and be cool. My freshman year of high school I was placed into a few AP classes and had the varsity hockey coach begging me to come play for the school. But rather than embrace my abilities, I decided to skip class and smoke weed. By sophomore year, I was already labeled a 'bad seed' and started down a path of total self-deprecation. I refused to see the point of the high school process and severed all ties with my former self. No more good grades. No more sports and no more self-improvement. Instead I continued down my path of destruction, using the laughter of fools to pay-off my inner demons along the way. Before sophomore year was over, I was sent away to live at one of those "At Risk Youths" homes. My poor mother, man. She tried everything to try and help dig me out of my ways but I refused. It kills me to think that in her mind, she failed at raising me. But in reality, my life was amazing growing up. Middle class suburban lifestyle. Two loving parents, a wonderful sister, Homecooked dinner every night as a family and never a single want or need. But I didn't care. I just wanted to be left alone to self destruct. Life is a weird thing, man. The decisions that I made as a hormone drunk teenager are still affecting my life nearly 10 years out of high school. There is no; "In the end, it was rainbow flavored cupcakes and my past failures helped make me the great man that I am today". That is not me. That is not this type of story. I'm fighting every day to get my life back from a kid who was given every opportunity to succeed and decided against it. In favor of nothing at all.