Because I have panic attacks nowadays when people play the victim and try to make me feel guilty unfairly. And I'm terrified about showing my insecurities..

I realized my parents used to insult me and laugh at my face, shaming me, everytime I opened up about my suffering as a teenager. One perfect example: recently, in a conversation about violence in families, I felt like burning inside the whole time and HAD to remind my dad (who was acting totally normal the whole convo) how he had punched me repeatedly on the floor in the past, and just used physical threat as authority. That ended up in what I described earlier. Both my parents (and brother) insulted me, told me I was a bitch for bringing that up while my dad had suffered enough (other issues), and my dad refused to tell me goodbye and said "I don't know you anymore".