It started when I was 12. I always loved hanging out with my cousin. He was older, cooler, always had the latest video games, and he always knew how to have fun. I had tried my first cigarette with him, gotten drunk for the first time with him. I hated how I felt with the booze and cigarettes so it never really stuck but it was still cool to say that I had actually tried it. But, this particular afternoon was different - I didn't know it would change my life forever.
It was pretty hot outside and for whatever reason, we were hanging out inside the house and horsing around. He had gotten a computer and we were on it just playing some Shockwave games and shit like that. He typed in a website and I, being the goofy, silly younger one that I was decided to be funny and corrected his .com to .cum I was an immature kid that laughed at anything sexual so I wasn't actually wanting to look at porn, I was just making a joke. Of course, the website didn't load (pun intended), so he chuckled and said, here if you really want to see that and click he typed in an actual porn site. My eyes went BAZINGA - Up until that point, the most naked I'd ever seen was an occasional nipple through the fuzzy channels. This was something FAR BETTER. He spent the next few minutes showing me some sites and teaching me how to clear the history on my browser, what a guy. I couldn't wait to get home and see some more. I couldn't go back...I was hooked.
Over the next few years, I found myself completely dedicated to my computer. It was my new girlfriend, my mistress, my precious. I neglected social functions, was the shy kid in high school who never went out with friends. What for? I had the best fix in town. I was always the socially awkward kid because I NEVER FUCKING LEARNED HOW TO SOCIALIZE properly due to being holed up in my room next to my computer. I've only become aware that watching porn works like an addiction for me about 2 years ago and since then, my social life has turned around 180 degrees. I still have days, weeks, months that I fall off the wagon and go back to my ways, but I keep pushing forward as a grown man (29 yrs old) and try to live a better life. I sometimes sit back and wonder...what could have happened if I never made that stupid, stupid joke, or if my cousin never showed me that. Could I have had a better life earlier than I have now. I wish, I wish... Oh well...