[Serious] Kids whose parents had secret lives, what were they and how did you find out?

Its not exactly a secret life but I found out my dad had a son 20 years before I was born that he gave up for adoption. Its a funny story, I was like 17 and was looking for my dad's weed but I found all the adoption papers. That night was the first night I ever got drunk. My brother was born on the complete opposite side of the country and I had never heard his mother's name before. I found some letters between my dad and my brother's mom around the time of his birth but they were just normal, friendly letters with no mention of my brother which I thought was weird. I tried to google his name and call the adoption agency he was placed with but I didn't find anything, the adoption agency doesn't even exist anymore.

Its been a couple years but I haven't mentioned it to either of my parents, I don't know if my mom knows. Obviously I have a lot of questions but I just can't bring myself to have that conversation, I don't think it would do anything but hurt the relationship I have with my father. I wonder why he did it, its not like my father and his girlfriend were teenagers they were both well into their twenties and living together. I wonder why my dad hasn't even brought it up, why he feels like he has to keep it a secret. Sometimes I feel like... if he can abandon one child and not speak of it for 40 years how does he feel about me? Could he do the same to me? I figure he must have had a good reason to do it and I try to not hold it against him but obviously I have a lot of questions that might not be answered.

Mostly I just wonder about my brother. What does he look like, does he know who our father is, where does he live, would he want to meet me, does he have children of his own, is he happy? Things like that. I google his name and birthday and city he was born in every know and then but I've never found a single thing about him. I know I would love to meet him and accept him into my life and get to know him if that opportunity ever arises but I feel like its not my place to initiate it even if I could fine him. Maybe he was adopted into an awesome family and doesn't feel the need to get to know his biological family. I don't want to intrude on his life. I just hope he's doing good and has had a good life and is happy, I just wish there was a way I could let him know that I would be open to building a relationship with him.

This was a lot longer than I planned for it to be, I guess I'm just venting I've never really told anyone about this

/r/AskReddit Thread