When I was a kid my parents divorced because my father was abusive.

At the time, my mother (an immigrant) had to work like two jobs but even so we were really, really poor. Eventually, for a while, we had to get on food stamps. My mother is a very proud woman and this absolutely crushed her.

I remember we were at the store and my mother had to use food stamps for the first time. As we waited in line she was fidgeting , fixing her hair, nervous and ashamed. She turned to me and said “You don’t have to stand by me if you don’t want.”

And so I walked away because I was embarrassed too.

It is a painful memory that I haven’t shared with anyone but something that I think of all the time. I wish I had instead told her how much I loved her and how goddamn proud I was to be her son, but I didn’t.