In college I was dating a girl with more red flags than communist China, but I didn't realize it at the time. It just felt too good to be in a relationship and getting fairly regular sex. Still, she insulted me on a daily basis, especially around my friends. She tried to split me from my parents and friends, using such tactics as "they drink (on the weekends) so they're a bad influence for you" or "if you don't cancel your plans and hang out with me you won't get sex for a month." The worst part though was that she actually hurt me on a regular basis. I chalked it up to kinky sex or playful scrapping, but it left me with marks, and I always felt like I had to be on guard when I was around her. I couldn't really get help from anyone unless I was willing to admit what was going on, but I didn't need to: I was a man, and men deal with their own problems.

I broke up with her (like 12 times, if I remember correctly). Still, the last time, I really meant it. That's when she went to the police and claimed I hit her. In reality, she broke into my all-male dorm and attacked me. If not for a mountain of circumstantial evidence like a video of her breaking in and half a dozen people hearing me shout "get the fuck out!" I easily could have faced charges. Instead, it ended with a mutual restraining order.

It still ruined my life. Overnight, I lost all of my friends at school who instantly assumed I had hit a woman, just because she claimed it. I was emotionally distraught and felt like everyone was treating me like the monster, when I knew in reality she was. Not seeking help during the relationship made my claims of long-term abuse sound like lies and deflection tactics. I ended up having to change schools. I didn't date again for 5 years. I'm still kinda upset about it. The only thing that helps me get though it is my current girlfriend, who is caring and supportive and not abusive in any way, but the most compassionate response I usually get telling this story, even from her, is "well it sounds like you learned a valuable lesson."