Former 911 dispatcher checking in. Maybe not what you were after specifically, but the story came to mind nevertheless.

We always had our "frequent flyers" as we would call them - The people that would call in on a monthly, weekly, and even daily basis. This one caller in particular, I knew her name, phone number and address by heart. Overall, a really pleasant woman to speak to, however troubled she may have been.

When she was having especially bad days, her modus operandi was to call in, give her spiel, and then hang up before you even had a chance to get a word in edge-wise. The department I worked with required us to verify a million times that no report was required, and that no police/fire/ems response was needed. So, if she hung up on us, we usually had to call her back to get that verification. Also worth noting is that we were never, under any circumstances, allowed to simply hang up on someone.

Most of her calls involved her neighbor doing something to her (in reality, the neighbor never did anything to her). For example, she would call in and say that the neighbor was stealing the electricity from just her refrigerator, or that her neighbor broke into her house and wore her panties before putting them back into the caller's drawer (she knew, because they were soiled.. and the caller would never put soiled panties in the drawer!).

The call that stands out in my memory above all the others was the day that she called to report that her neighbor had broken into her house while she was napping on the couch and.... stolen the caller's taste buds. I verified that no fire/ems response was needed (I mean, I know I would want a medic to check me out had someone stolen my taste buds). I also clarified that the caller didn't want to make a report for the theft. After that, I had to find a way to appease the caller and get her off my line.

The first thing that came to mind, something that I usually wouldn't have done, was to offer this: "Perhaps if you lie back down and take another nap, she will break back in and return the stolen taste buds. Why don't you give that a try, and call us back if they haven't been returned when you wake up." She agreed that this was a brilliant idea and disconnected the call.

Sadly, that was the very last time I spoke with her. As I understand it, she moved out of state. If you're out there, J, I miss our chats. :(

TL;DR: Crazy lady had her taste buds stolen. I told her to take a nap.