22, male, 3.

Reading through this thread...I didn't realise how fucked up I still am about it. This will probably get buried, but fuck it;

I attach a huge amount of self-worth to being attractive to women, I think most guys do on some level. In high school I hung out with guys who were almost always with girls, either as casual things or long term relationships. Not always sex, but making out, bjs, etc. But not me, I was just the friend who tagged along to parties, who went home alone, who girls were nice and friendly to, but never attracted to. So I think that has made me attach that much more value to it.

I think I'd be ok if I was friends with guys who also didn't get the girls, but I wasn't, I was surrounded by people who always had their girl or girls. I wasn't physically unattractive or anything, I was generally cleaner than my friends, one of the smarter guys but not overly nerdy, I didn't like sports but weirdly in our year it was the dramo kids who were the 'jocks' who were my mates, so that didn't matter. I couldn't figure it out. I know you shouldn't attach so much value to that kind of thing, and it gets better or whatever, but at every single party, every time your mates talk about sex or girls, when you are seriously asked by your friends if your gay...over and over again each time you are basically being told "there is something wrong with you". It fucks you up. I didn't need to have girls all over me and have tonnes of sex, I just wanted someone, of the opposite gender, to find be sexually attractive.

The worse thing though was the first time I made out. It was fine, she was attractive, my friend, the really cool one, (literally) pushed me into it but that was ok. He got up and was really excited for me (way more than I was), and that was kind of the first hint. I can't remember how, later than night I found out the girl only hooked up with me because my friend promised he would hook up with her later. I didn't say anything to him, but from then every time any of my friends gave me advice (good and bad) or encouragement, I just wondered if it was to help me of for their entertainment? It didn't really matter, because it didn't help.

I was never angry at women, I knew the 'problem' was me. I was doing something wrong, I just had absolutely no idea what, and nobody told me what it was. My first time was with a girl I didn't go to highschool with, and had a whole tonne of seriously fucked up issues, and really I think I was just revenge sex against her boyfriend (who I didn't know), and we basically never spoke again. I was 16 I think, and didn't have anything other than kissing (and not a lot of that) until I was 20, when I had terrible drunk sex while overseas. Throughout that period my mates continued hooking up, had good and bad long term girlfriends, casual flings, a pregnancy scare, etc. I was just the guy who had never had a girlfriend and women ignored. I wasn't the shy guy who couldn't talk to women, I was very social, actually quite confident in every other area of my life, made people laugh, was smart, reasonably good looking (neat, not fat, no disfigurements), but girls were always just 'busy' every time I asked them out.

I won't go into specifics, but over the last year and a half I changed. I started working out and started figuring girls out, and now have my first girlfriend, who is my number 3. I like her, a lot...but I don't love her, and probably never will. She's nice, we have similar interests, but I can only stand her for a couple of days at most before her naivete and near total lack of common sense or forethought drives me insane. But she loves me (I was her first), and she's attracted to me, and...it's nice. But on some level I'm terrified she's as good as it's gonna get for me. That we'll break up (this relationship has an artificial end-date due to my plans to move overseas this year) and then it'll be back to being the guy who women think is nice, maybe even good looking, is funny...but for some reason would never be attracted to.

I read through this thread and see lots of guys with numbers like mine or lower, some expressing frustration or hopelessness at it. I see a few guys with high numbers around my age, that's cool, but then I see a fairly high amount of girls my age or only slightly older with 10+ partners (some 10x) my number...

That fucks me up. I'm not saying they shouldn't have sex with lots of people (go crazy if you want)...but I went through 8 years of feeling like total shit, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, and then to realise the other side, from whom I wanted a chance, someone to validate me as a sexual human being has basically been having a continuous party for the last decade...

I was smart. Nice. Funny (to both genders). Confident. Well spoken. Reasonably attractive. Was part of the 'cool' crowd.

I was a "great guy", I'd make "someone" happy, I was all this other patronising bullshit.

.......My number is 3. And I am fucked up about it.