I have been asking myself the same question for years. She’s made sacrifices to raise me. She was the most mentally abusive person I’ve ever met and it still affects my relationships with women to this day. She was constantly telling me what a piece of shit I was and would actually laugh when she’d see my reactions. Now I can’t help but see very slight similarities in women I date and can feel the anger boil. As an adult, my mother is over-the-top sweet and it disgusts me for some reason. Besides that, her sadistic side comes out. A few years ago I told her I had a problem with drugs and attempted suicide. Without any hesitation she called me a junkie and that I was just as worthless as my father that left us a kid. I grew up with her and my step-father who was physically abusive and nearly as mentally abusive. They both blamed my brother and I for the divorce. I have a half sister who is the daughter of my mother and my step-father who was never treated with even a fraction of the malice she showed my brother and I. For that, I am actually thankful. I love my sister and she’s always loved me, but I can definitely see the malice in her at times too. My brother turned out well professionally, but he’s also a charming cold-blooded sociopath who treats women like garbage. Can I forgive my mom? No I can’t, but after divorcing my step father and the inability to maintain a relationship with any guy who falls victim to her, she’s realized how lonely she is. I feel bad for her and I always try not to hold resentment but she’s a bitter woman and my psychotic tendencies always resurface when I’m near her.