[Serious] Parents of unsuccessful young adults (20s/30s) who still live at home, unemployed/NEET, no social/romantic life etc., do you feel disappointed or failed as a parent? How do you cope? What are your long term plans?

Not the parent, but this has been on my mind, so I'll share anyways. I'm worried that this is where my younger brother is headed.

He's something of a math prodigy- by sophomore year of high school, he was on a completely different curriculum (had completed the normal and advanced coursework but was still in the classes) than the other students, including calculus and abstract math.

But the kid is scared of everything- and is so stuck in what's 'routine' and what's 'familiar' that he can't (and doesn't want to) get himself outside of that. He's already getting offers from some big name universities, and some really cool STEM programs, but doesn't want to try any of it, even though we've made it clear that he has our support there.

He's autistic, and has some pretty severe symptoms when it comes to physical movement, speech, and socialization, and has meltdowns every now and then, so it's already a given that he needs to stay with, or at least near to, either me (who doesn't really have roots and can make a way to meet him where he wants to go) or our parents (who are supportive people, but are both disabled to the point that they can't let him go far if he needs them). With understanding roommates, he might be able to handle dorm life, but he's so closed off to people that I don't know if he'd even want to try that.

He's got a great sense of humor, and people really like him, but he himself doesn't consider anybody but one kid we grew up with a 'friend.' He wants to be a math teacher like our dad, because that's familiar. He wants to go to the small liberal arts school that I went to, (which has really half-assed STEM majors), because that's familiar.

I get that he's still a kid, and he's got two more years of high-school, so he still has time to decide on these kinds of things, but getting him out of his comfort zone is insanely hard- and I don't know if we'll be able to do it. I understand that he has some disabilities. It's just, he has his issues, but he's one of the smartest, funniest, and most perceptive people I know. He just... doesn't want anything of his own, or want to grow or try anything new. He likes to play games, watch anime, read... and that's it. And I can meet him there (I'm trying to learn some game dev with him over his summer break) but it feels like he's missing out on so much, and the line between 'support' and 'enabling' is pretty hard to make out.

/r/AskReddit Thread