I’m really debating if I want to have children later or not. When I grew up it used to be just me and 2 other siblings. Than when I was 8 I got three siblings back to back. Tbh I never seen my mom happy raising them. I never seen her happily playing with the baby but just exhausted from all the crying. I don’t remember which baby but i remember my mom lightly throwing baby on the couch. My and brother screamed at her what was she doing. She sighted said the baby won’t stop crying. Luckily nothing happened to the baby but it was so shocking too see. My youngest brother is now 8 and I’m 21 and my mom is just constantly fighting with him. I keep saying to her why you fighting with an 8yo are you crazy or something. Instead of disciplining him she just calls him names like she’s acting like a child. I’ve tried asking my mom why she had so many children and if she wanted children. She planned for 4 kids and the last two were accidents. She didn’t abort because she’s religious and I obviously love my siblings but honestly I don’t see her as a fit mother. She’s a great wife always cleaning and making my dad elaborate meals and making delicious meals for the kids but actually raising children and giving them love she’s very bad. I grew up thinking my mother hated me.