Sharing for cathartic release....

Mid thirties, I spent over a year unemployed in my late twenties after quitting a high stress job. I had saved up from my previous jobs, college, so it wasn't the immediate financial strain it could have been. Of course I decided to do this right as the financial markets crashed - hindsight is 20/20.

I spent a lot of time playing video games, reading the news, walking the dog, and pursuing some minor interests that eventually turned into a small side business that paid the bills.

It was mostly the dog that kept me sane, can echo a lot of the sentiments in other people's posts that there were a lot of times of depression, frustration, sitting up at night wondering what am I doing with my life, and drinking far too much. Just the act of checking Facebook just as it was getting super popular and seeing all your former compatriots "happy" just made me feel worse about my situation.

I had to learn not to check social media, compare my life to other people's lives, and focus on being happy, making myself a better person, and looking for gainful employment. I didn't realize then I had a serious depression problem and the drinking was my mind attempting to self-medicate.

After finding a job, pursuing a career path for a while, I just recently moved on from that employment after making huge strides in the rest of my life. My biggest the fear the last month while I have not been working again and preparing to move is not finding employment again once I get back home. It isn't the money but becoming that person again who felt like they were worthless, in a dark hole, and unable to escape.

I now have a much better support system than I did years ago but there have been some late nights recently where I was living in fear of being that person again. I felt the same way I did but now I'm older and wiser to now I need to talk to other people and to find some treatment that isn't self-medicating.