I tried about 5 different over the course of 5 years. Some would cause a slight change, I'd feel better for a while, some left me feeling dead inside and like all my creativity had just vanished.
The worst one, was a particularly strong dose (can't remember the name of the drug itself), it didn't really do anything for me so the doctor said to come off it and try on another one.
The withdrawal was the worst fucking thing in the world. Heart racing, severe nausea (which when you have bad anxiety that somewhat revolves around being terrified of throwing up, is not good), shakes, hot and cold flashes, then came the complete lack of appetite. I physically couldn't eat, I'd have maybe eat half a sandwich a day. I came close to being hospitalised because I was too underweight (who knew anorexia is also considered a symptom)
I'd lie on my bedroom floor watching the shopping channel or the game channel, saw many episodes of The Crystal Maze and Takeshi's Castle (it's the only channels I knew that wouldn't have any particular triggers), I'd actually get comfort from planning my death out. Occasionally I'd cry, like the uncontrollable sobbing kind of crying.
I had to come of it so slowly that I ended up on a liquid version to measure the smaller dose more accurately. This lasted for quite a while. I honestly don't remember a lot from that time, everything's just kinda blurred together.
Looking back I sometimes wonder if I hadn't take any of the meds would my depression have just gotten better after 5 years on it's own? I don't know. But I mean I was fucked up at the start of it, it's the reason I went on them in the first place. I couldn't get out of bed, I skipped my final exams at school, I forced myself through the first 2 days of Uni but my anxiety was too much and the depression just made me have no motivation to bother trying.
But anyway, after that whole crazy withdrawal process I ended up another anti-depressant for about a year before feeling a lot better. It was a long process to the point where you don't really recognise your recovery.
Eventually I decided to go med free, thankfully came off that one a lot easier but I kinda think coming off it sparked a severe eczema flare up.
But it's been nearly 2 years off them, still have the eczema problems though which is seriously awful, and still feel a bit fucked in the head. I'm not really depressed as such, the anxiety is the main issue. I did therapy for it last year, 20 sessions in all and made a lot of progress but then they kinda send you on your way when you only feel like you're at the beginning of recovering and now I've slid back a lot.
It's tough but I'm working on it. Slowly....
But would I advise others to use anti-depressants? I don't know, I would tell them to get on top of it as quickly as possible because it's a slippery slope. So if that means medication, then yes.
Would I use them again if I was depressed? Probably not.