It's interesting. I used to be in the former category, but I started getting really into personal-development and had a quote really resonate with me.

"No man has a chance to enjoy permanent success until he begins to look in a mirror for the real cause of all his mistakes."

My dad always rode me for making excuses and blaming the world for my problems and it never really clicked until I read that quote. I'm still a little shit who doesn't do everything I should, but I don't make excuses anymore.

It's cool because I can see a lot of people respect that, but it puts me in a weird place mentally. I think that's just because I'm diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder (major depression diagnosed around age 5-6, apparently it progressed in college or something? idk only went to a few sessions before I stopped seeing therapists) and refuse to medicate (by refuse to medicate I mean I never learned to swallow pills and uhh end up crying most times I try which is why I stopped going to the therapist).

So most of the time I'm self-loathing. Like... I hate myself and everything about myself. I don't leave the house and pretty much lock myself in my room. Deny invitations to go out and do stuff, etc. But then I'll get get some crazy idea and start going ham on that, I'll start texting everyone to go out, start going to the gym again, all the fun stuff.

Anyway, there's so much I want to write right now, but I just realized that most of this post is just so that I can rationalize some personal stuff.

Do you ever regret going to school for psychology? I always wanted that to be my major but I was concerned about job options and stuff. Teaching psychology sounds like a dream job to me though, always wanted to be a teacher.

Also, please please someone tell me to call and schedule a therapy appointment. I really need help but shit is getting out of control and I'm scared.