[Serious] Reddit, What are your darkest thoughts?

I was contemplating suicide at 15

I was a fat kid growing up in Ireland and people were always avoiding me or people would put me into centre Court and kick footballs/rugby balls/anything they could find. Now there was a good, if underfunded, guidance support at our school but I never had the courage to say what was going on.

People also made fun of me because of my accent. I was born in London to Irish parents and although there was only a small Irish community, I always felt at home. When I was 9 my parents asked myself and my sister if we wanted to move back to Ireland. Of course we said yes, thinking it would be a great idea. We moved to Ireland when I was 10 and I immediately felt like a foreigner, even though I considered myself Irish all my life.

The kids never let me forget it either. "Proddy bastard" and "black and tan" (used as a derogatory team towards English). My grandmother and my nan (my childminder in England, but she was like a grandmother to me) died in January '10 and that's when I started to get really depressed. I would miss days at school, pretend I'm sick etc. I regularly ate uncooked food in the attempt to get food poisoning (yes, terrible idea I know).

I had one friend, but he was in another school. Because this was an exam year, I didn't get to see him as often as I used to. There were days that all I thought about was suicide. I felt that no one would miss me if I just upped and left. One night I felt particularly down. I rang my friend after getting drunk (my parents were out for the night, so I stole drink from the liquor cabinet) and he came over. We talked things out. He convinced me that I was his best friend and he'll be distraught if I was gone. He told me of the times he was bullied and the feelings he felt were very similar to mine.

He was there when I told my parents what was happening, he came in to my school when I told my tutor what was happening. It all stopped after that. 6 people were suspended for a week because of it.

I realise now how selfish I was back then. I would've given countless heartbreak to my family and friends if I had done what I was contemplating. I lost my weight (7st) and I dropped down to the year below in 2012. I met amazing friends when I started college whom I could never be without thanks to my one friend back then.

Thank you Mark, my first true friend.

Ps: sorry if this is a long read, but remember. Suicide is NEVER the answer. I now believe that everything and anything is solvable. I'm in tears as I'm writing this because I am ashamed of those thoughts. Thanks for reading guys. Hope it gives people some hope to people

/r/AskReddit Thread