In a quarter year one of my cousins commott suicide and the other was sentenced to two life terms the one who took his own life is 6 months older than I am and the one with two life sentences is 10 months younger. Neither of them should be where they are because both were for the most part good guys but suffered from poor mental health the one who was suicidal had been suicidal in the past and was chasing bad relationships looking for someone to genuinely love, the other was suffering from schizophrenia was off his meds and told to get a job by his uncaring mother whom he later killed along with her boyfriend. The hardest thing is that at one point or another for a decently long time I seen these these guys everyday, one lived with my family for a while and I went to school with the other. They were more than just my cousins they were my brothers we went places did things together I have great memories with both of them but that's im not gonna be able to go to our family reuinion and shoot at each other with air soft guns or go deep sea fishing again and they'll never even know how thankful I am for those times.

RIP Russ I think about you often still remember the time you got hot Ali to snuggle with my shy ass on the bus because I was the warmest person that's the first and only time I've been kissed.

To Ben the real Ben the guy hidden behind the voices in his own head we may of had a falling out a couple years before shit hit the fan I wanna say I'm sorry I didn't know I wish I did I could of done something. I remember years ago when we were playing a video game and you hypothetically asked if I would come back in my tvr if you crashed your Ferrari... I would of, I wish I did and I'm sorry I didn't.