Yesterday I visited the medicine provider at my therapists office for the second time (I just moved). She asked about how Welbutrin was treating me, as I'd been prescribed it the month before. I explained that I've had good results when I take it, but I've been having trouble taking it. I'm not used to taking medicine during the day, and it's been difficult for me to keep it part of my routine. It's easy to forget, and I'm forgetful anyways because of my crippling depression. She proceeded to become extremely exasperated at me and tell me that I'm obviously not trying hard enough. She tells me this is a 50/50 situation and if I'm not going to do my part, there's no point. I just kind of sit there staring at the screen (it's a Skype call) and shrug, trying my best to swallow my emotions. I feel ashamed.

She asks about side effects, I say "none". The conversation continues and at the end, she asks if I've been having any other problems. I finally remembered to mention that my panic attacks have gotten severe, and that my insomnia is back full force. She then throws her hands up and huffs, then says "Those are side effects of the Welbutrin. I guess I'm just going to have to take you off of it. Do not take it anymore." I desperately wanted to tell her that I've been dealing with these things since I was a teenager. They come and go, and right now I've been dealing with it for months. But at that point, I was afraid to say any of that since I'd forgotten to tell her during the first appointment.

She asks me if I've taken vistaril, and I tell her that antihistamines don't make me tired. She shakes her head and says "Okay well I think we're done for today." She didn't give me anything for my insomnia or panic attacks, and didn't give me anything to replace the Welbutrin. Right now my depression is so bad that I'm barely getting out of bed.

Apparently today was her last day though. So there's that.