Okay, I wouldn't call this the rose 24 hours of my life, but it definitely was the strangest.
So I was only a family trip to Texas that I did not want to go on, but I got guilted into. So I get there and I'm immediately having a bad time. What the fuck am I doing here? I don't like this place. There's nothing but gigantic department stores everywhere. What's the appeal of this place. It's hot, fuck this place, I want to leave.
So my parents decide to take a drive from San Antonio to Austin which is about a 45 minute drive. I was already out in my own car, so I decided to meet up with them later that night.
I get into the hotel they're staying at and I am fucking MISERABLE. I HATE this place. So I decide I'm going to at least try to acquire some sense of personal victory on this trip so it doesn't become a complete waste of my time/money. So I hop back in my car and drive back into downtown Austin to this block where there's pretty much nothing but live music playing. Every bar has a live band playing.
I find a parking garage park my car and start walking down the block. For some reason the only place I felt like walking into was the only bar with a live DJ and some local hip hop artists performing. I got a skunky ass glass of heineken at the bar and downed it.
The performance was actually amazing, I didn't even know I liked hip hop until I so everyone go up and do their thing. Plus it was all local artists, most of them kids probably right out of highschool, but they didn't suck. They were actually really good.
I wound up getting drunk and started talking to a few of them outside until this one white dude with long blonde hair and a black t-shirt who I had seen in the bar and thought he was some grungy looking metal dude that had gotten lost or something walked up to us and started reciting some impromptu poetry for us.
I was like, where the fuck am I? These people are awesome, who just does that? I wound up talking to him and his girlfriend and sneaking my way into their after party. First stop was the top of the bar where some fat gay dude was trying to rub up against me. That was weird. After that I hopped in their car and headed back to their apartment and immediately got offered cocaine. Second time doing coke in my life. Wound up chilling with a dude who played classical guitar and after listening to him play started discussing how to properly fuck your girlfriend in the ass without her shitting all over your chest. No joke.
We make are way to the kitchen area and they're passing around a pipe. I take a puff and all the sudden holy fuck I am so fucking high and drunk right now, what the hell is going on. So I peace out because I know I have to head back to the hotel at some point, I call an uber but forget I left my car in a parking garage.
I'm back at the hotel and I'm so fucking blitzed out of my mind that when I realize my car isn't there my immediate thought is that it got stolen.
Holy fuck, I'm drunk, I'm high my car got stolen, I'm on a family vacation. What the FUCK is going on.
I decide not to wake up my parents and instead take a walk to try to sober up so I can figure out what to do. As I'm walking around the sun is starting to rise and I realize I'm a tanned, spanish looking dude with a beard in a t-shirt roaming around a neighborhood in the middle of the night and I'm in Texas.
I look like a fucking illegal alien. I'm just waiting for a cop to pull me over and see how high I look and I'm like, okay get your shit together we need to figure out what we need to do quick. I suddenly remember the parking garage and I'm like, okay. Call a cab, except my phone is fucking dead. So I head to a nearby gas station and borrow someones phone, trying my best not to look conspicuous as fuck, but my GOD. The sleep deprivation plus being high as fuck... and worst of all my capacity to reason was growing smaller and smaller to the point that it literally felt like I had a 4 second memory. I had to constantly remind myself what my plan was because I kept on forgetting. It was the worst feeling I ever had.
Finally after 10 tries I manage to get a hold of a cab and after 10 minutes he's there. Hop in the cab and the only thing I can remember from the block was the name of the bar. Drops me off, but I have NO idea where the parking garage is. Walk around for another two hours and I give up. I walk into some corporate building and ask the receptionist to use their phone so I can call my parents.
Wait an hour and a half for them to come, hop in the car. Eventually find the parking garage by sheer luck and the nightmare is over.
Fuck, I take it back, that was the worst fucking night of my life.
I really should have just woke my parents up to get the car, but getting drunk and high on both cocaine and marijuanna isn't something you expect your kid to do on a "family" vacation.