I've got a few instances some accidental and some not so much.

When I was about 10 I went to france on holiday. I was at the beach and walked out into the water and stood on a little island of sand a little further out to sea. I looked back at the beach where my family was and a huge wave hit me from behind. I tumbled around under the water head over heels a few times and then washed to the shore. I was pretty sure I was going to die for the 1-2 seconds I was being thrown around under water.

I once had an argument with my mum and stormed off in a park and then fell in a pond. My mum had walked away and I was panicking like mad, the water was only like waist high but I didn't know that. Some random stranger pulled me out and saved me.

The next few are a little darker I guess.

I was 16, I got kicked out of home by the drug addict who was manipulating my mum. I walked back to where we used to live, it took about half a day to get there. When I got there I stayed for a few days in an abandoned building, no food, no clean clothes, basically homeless at 16. I spent my time alone and in the dark. I broke a window and sat there with a shard of glass for a good few hours contemplating ending it all when suddenly I hear all this noise. One of my friends had heard that someone had seen me in the building and he broke in to find me. He let me stay at his house for a couple of days and then helped me get in touch with an old family friend who put me up for a few months while I found somewhere to live and sorted out some form of income to support myself. Those people truly saved me and I owe them a lot. I rarely see them now but I'll always remember what they did for me.

I had a huge falling out with my ex. She lived in the same hostel as me (although she hadn't been kicked out she just said she did so she could move out). She was messing me about, bringing her ex around all the time while we were dating and eventually splitting with me. I can't remember why but I was in her flat, she wouldn't let me leave and was pushing me about. She'd blocked my exit and was screaming in my face, I flipped and slapped her (regrettable I know but I really didn't know what else to do to get past) her friend had just happened to come around the corner at that moment and just saw me slapping her. She blocked the exit from the block and my ex was blocking the other way screaming at me. I panic again and grabbed a fire extinguisher and spray it all over my ex and as the powder fills the room I run past them and jump out the balcony window two stories up, land in a bush and run away. I spent the night walking back to where I used to live (same place I went before). I sit on the abandoned viaduct with my legs dangling off. I think of my family that I haven't seen since I left, my brothers and sisters, my mum and grandparents. I sat there all night crying and trying to bring myself to do it but I couldn't, I was too scared. I kept thinking what happens if the fall doesn't kill me? I have to live my life crippled and alone. When the sun came up I came back down, I turned my phone back on and had loads of texts off my ex telling me she was worried and asking me to come back. She didn't press charges, she left and went back home. I lived at the hostel for a couple of years after that.

It's weird to think that so many times I wanted to die, I used to self harm and contemplate suicide and now I am terrified of death. I guess that's what happens when you finally get something to live for.