Nothing. And if I could go back in time and tell myself one thing to save myself from my depression, I wouldn't.
Depression was separate from reality. It was just a part of me. Nothing anyone said touched me. For years, my peers were reaching out to me - visiting me at home, taking me out places, calling me.
It did nothing. I literally laid on my bedroom floor, and my mom would take my classmates right into my room, open the door, say, "Hey, you awake?" I was awake. I didn't move. I didn't reply. I laid there, pretending to sleep.
They tried. They all tried.
Nothing anyone said or did touched me, and there is nothing I can imagine could have.
A big part of my depression was the peer pressure to date. I did eventually get a girlfriend - losing her (she dumped me for my best friend) spun me off into the worst depression I ever experienced - but I think, looking back on it, I got what I thought I wanted. It didn't make me happy. I was still depressed. Then I lost what i thought I wanted. It didn't kill me. I was still depressed, but I think that's what helped me snap out of it.
I hit my personal rock bottom, and it didn't kill me.
No one else could give that to me.
I am still struggling. And, still, nothing anyone says can touch me. My wife, God bless her, she insists I'm wonderful, and that I saved her, and that I teach her new things in life. It can't, won't ever touch me.
I've had such good times in my life - such wonderful friends, family, experiences, adventures - they don't change it. I still want to die some days. I still want to give up and walk into the ocean forever.
I don't know why I don't do it, and you know what? When Robin Williams killed himself, it terrified me. I thought, that could be me. One day, I could wake up and change my mind, like he did. If someone as famous, rich, successful as Robin Williams could do that...so could I.
I don't know what to tell you. No one can save you from yourself.