[Serious]Redditors who have had to kill in self defense, Did you ever recover psychologically? What is it to live knowing you killed someone regardless you didn't want to do it?

About ten years ago I was a GM for a pizza place. My store was in a good area, but I would help tran managers for the stores in the bad areas. On one occasion I was training one on closing procedures. I had instructed the guy not to open the door after we locked it. He was a decent guy, but he was older than me and thought he knew better than me. He had left the office to double check we got all the cash out of the drawer.

A man knocked on the door and my trainee went to see what he needed. The man shot him dead. No warning, just bang, dead. I heard the gunshot and went into survival mode. I had a few moments to think and realized this man was most likely going to kill me. I couldn't run out the back without him seeing me. I always had a knife on me, which had been enough to ward off possible robberies in the past. I decided to crouch behind the office door.

The man had to know someone else was there (two cars in parking lot) but wasn't cautious enough entering the office. He had somewhat passed me and I tackled him from the side. He fired his gun, and I stuck him with my knife. At the time I must have stabbed at him a few times. I remember being completely deaf from the gunshot. I laid on top of him and shoved his gun away. When I got up, he did not.

I don't remember his condition when I got up. I grabbed his gun and ran to check on my trainee. He was shot in the shoulder, and in shock. The robber must have assumed it was worse than it was. I grabbed a phone and called 911 and then proceeded to stabilize my trainee. All while keeping an eye on the office to ensure the robber didn't rush out at me.

I didn't need to worry, I had killed the guy. I don't feel bad at all. It was either him or me. He obviously didn't worry about killing anyone. The city I worked in was one of the most dangerous per capa in the USA. My trainee never came back to work, but he lived. He is lucky I was trained in first aid from the Boy Scouts and my general interest.

He took me out for a drink when he was better, but that did not end well. He broke down telling me he knew the guy was going to probably kill me as well. I understand that not everyone reacts to danger the same way. He took a bullet and slumped down and pretended to be dead. That more than likely saved his life, but at the time I was pissed because he knew the guy was headed my way and he did nothing. I got up and walked out. I have only seen him a few times since. Once at the bar where he just nodded to me and paid my tab.

/r/AskReddit Thread