[Serious]Redditors who were once suicidal, what made you rethink about your life? How is your life now?

28, former Marine, tried to commit suicide 3 times but failed. Looking back, I had it pretty rough. I have flashbacks, seeing myself when I was this hurt little kid shielding himself from his parents blows and curses. Through out my childhood and teenage years my parents would consistently tell me that I am a loser, and a failure in life because I didn't make friends and didn't get good grades in school. I think they were doing it to motivate me, but that didn't work. Home life was a living hell, I was always in fear. School was still the same. Throughout school I was always the target of bullying, getting beat up by your parents and brother who like to throw their weight around and bullies who tease and beat the shit out of you didn't make the situation any better.

Story: I remember when I was young, this started at age 6 till 17. At the dinner table, my parents wouldn't give anything for me to eat, and instead I had to "earn my food". How it want was that I was seated at the table. Facing my dad across from me, and behind my my mom with a baseball bat or any other blunt object. My dad would give me a hard question, which was always math or science. (had trouble with these subjects in school). I always get an answer wrong and my mom would hit me hard with the bat or blunt object. One time I got a broken rib and arm. I suffered a lot by my parents who put me on impossible standards.

First attempt: Age 16, neighbor was on vacation and had keys that I stolen from him a while back. I managed to find the keys to his gun safe and took his .22 hunting rifle. Retreated back to the woods (forests in CT were densely wooded). Sat on a tree stump the whole day and night smoking cigarettes and writing my suicide note. Laying down I slid the barrel in my mouth and had my finger on my trigger, looking up directly at the clear blue sky and white clouds that hang over like mobiles on cribs. I though about the how great it would be to be releaved of my suffering and meeting god in heaven. Finally I pulled the trigger but it only grazed my cheek.

Second attempt: Age 18, at school I bought 2 full bottles of aspirin from this guy named Liam. I went into the bathroom during lunch and locked the door, and had a stall all to myself. I chugged down 8-10 pills before I started vomiting. Flushed the pills down the toilet and stayed in the stall crying away even after school ended. Until a janitor unlocked the door at around 6:00pm and gave me a ride home and said "do not fear"

At this time I wasn't accepted into any colleges, my parents yelled at my constantly. I joined the Marines because it would receive benefits and give me new fields in my future. But I joined because I wanted to die, since I was too much of a wimp to do it myself, I wanted someone else to give me a quick death.

Third attempt: Age 22, Camp Baghdad in Baghdad Iraq. New Years Eve, all the guys in my platoon received "thank you" cards and "love" cards from their family, friends, and girlfriends. A lot of wine and beer, and cigarettes delivered in the mail. While I received from my family was a letter saying that I'm a worthless loser and they sold all my stuff since I was deployed. At that point, I had enough of life, my reason was why live if you cannot enjoy it, I only saw suffering and death. I stole a bottle of wine from my Lieutenant and found a secluded area in the base. With my m9 Beretta aimed at my head I contemplated and came close to pulling the trigger. After knocking back the bottle of French wine I started banging my head against the wall. Then using the shattered glass from the bottle I carved the words "fuck my life" on my arm. Though it was very eligible, the guys in my platoon knows whats up. All of them sorta counseled me, the reason because we are brothers.

What made me rethink my life is that I always say to myself that things will get better in the future, I guess I have to wait a bit longer. My life now is hectic, I used to work 3 jobs, now 2 because I quit my security job. I almost failed this year in college. But hopefully it does't come to that. Sorry about grammar.

/r/AskReddit Thread