3. [Serious] Socially fluent people of Reddit, what are some mistakes you see socia...

[Serious] Socially fluent people of Reddit, what are some mistakes you see socially awkward people making?

hey my bf and i are the same, we have very different (as in different on the "spectrum"...) diagnosed "high functioning" ASDs and i actually thought of one thing he does which i don't do (but i think i only don't do it bc of masking/obsession with learning to fit in from a young age) which is i control my body language maybe like 90% of the time or more in social situations, i think very consciously about it, and he absolutely never does this. like if im having an argument but i want to ameliorate the situation i will make sure my body language is not closed even if i'm angry. if i want to hide my insecurity i will stand relaxed but confidently even if i just want the ground to swallow me or whatever. in other words, i'd say i use my body language to change how i hope people perceive me. i'm also constantly aware of what tone of voice i'm using, what words i'm picking, what facial expressions (or lack thereof...) overthinking it all to try and tailor the situation somehow. if you ever see me looking sad or angry, then i actually want people to know i feel that way lol

oh yea, and eye contact. i literally force myself to make eye contact when it's appropriate & at the appropriate "beats" of social interaction if i dont know the person well or i want to appear confident even though i am extremely shy. it is sooo uncomfortable and makes me feel so...bad?... and i am sure a lot of autistic people can relate to what i just described, but i MAKE MYSELF do it a lot... masking at its finest.

my bf otoh has completely transparent body language, it almost always completely reflects what's going on internally, and accurately. and as for what he says and how he says it, i can just tell it's not "planned" the way i "plan" my behavior and what+how i talk in social situations. he tends to say spontaneous things, even if they are kind of blunt or abrasive to the situation. i guess he talks more aspie than me? however he is way better and pretty unbothered by eye contact stuff, he says he "never thinks about it" when i asked him about if it makes him feel "bad" too.

i also wouldnt say im a socially competent person, i'd call myself "socially aware" instead... and im not calling my bf socially incompetent either, it must be nice to not be burdened by neurotic thoughts, but sometimes i get REALLY bothered by how transparently i can read him for some reason. because i start worrying about what other people who are able to read body language think when he's clearly uncomfortable and i don't want him to be vulnerable? but it's kind of like projected/secondhand shame or fear bc of my predisposition to avoid having transparent body language unless i want to show my true feeling/self.

all of these particular thoughts and behaviors come from having socially difficult life when i was younger... i didnt get diagnosed until i was 29. my mom said that she initially thought i was autistic as a child but then completely dismissed the idea because "my social skills were too good" ... lmao. no they werent... also i learned most of them from psychology textbooks. i think because i'm "high functioning" people just thought of me as (or maybe still think i am) "strange".

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