I'm in grade 11 and just started a new semester. I have all my big classes (Biology, Chemistry, Math) and I'm worried I won't be able to maintain marks in each subjects. Math and Bio I have a fairly good understanding of, but the teacher in Chemistry moves too fast for me and assumes we already know the material she's teaching. She's a nice enough lady but isn't very good at explaining things, and spends too much time making corny jokes and getting off topic.

I've been feeling less anxious lately, I think because the snow is melting. People still freak me out though. When I look around my school I see people who are going somewhere in life. Future doctors, CEOs, people with plans. I'm probably over thinking things, I'd imagine every teenager worries about the future. I'm just scared that I'm not going to be working on the right things in life, if that makes sense. Right now I have a paper route and am trying to get a job at a small pizza joint. I'm really focused on music, but I really don't think I'll be able to make a living off it.

Everyone around me seems so well adjusted. I feel like people are always angry at me and wondering why I'm there. I end up being the third wheel in groups usually, and generally just stay quiet in large groups and at parties. I then notice I'm being quiet and start thinking about if and how other people are looking at me, and I start freaking out inside. I'm more comfortable in small groups, but certain people just make me really self-conscious.

Anyway that's my blog post. Lately I've been working on getting more focused and motivated when it comes to school work, and I've been trying to open up more in groups, but I still get nervous. Writing about it helps me vent, and I've actually bonded quite a bit with some people. Maybe I just need to put myself in situations that push my comfort zone a bit. And get off Reddit more. Here's to summer!