The whole reason I ask is that I was.

I was maybe 17 at the time and I dated a girl for about 3 years. Everything started out well, we loved each other and had a lot of fun. I was in a really bad place at the time, drinking and taking drugs. I lived in a hostel and had no family contact. I started getting into drinking very heavily and would go out with my gf and get black out drunk. I'd call her a whore and get angry at her, I've no idea why I said the things I did when I was drunk and would constantly be having drunken panic attacks and self harming when we were together (throwing myself around, beating myself up, starting fights I couldn't win). I vaguely remember these periods, one landed me in a cell overnight for being drunk and disorderly.

She bailed my out and stood by me for the longest time. Eventually I guess she had enough and she broke up with me. It turned my life around and things got much worse for me over the next few years. I didn't date anyone for 5 years after we broke up and when I did my new gf helped me get my life on track and mend me.

After the years of alcohol and drug abuse I started to see things clearly. I remembered all the terrible things I'd said to a girl who was the most wonderful person I'd ever met. I wrote to her to apologize for all the awful things I'd done and told her if I could mend it all I would but I knew there was nothing I could do to make up for the years of abuse I'd inflicted. She thanked me and said she was glad I was in a better place. She truly was a wonderful person. I still feel awful for all I've done. There's no excuse for how I acted, the drinking, the names, the torment of seeing the one you love destroy himself. I know that this will probably receive a lot of hate and it deserves to but I am in a place at the moment that's making me recount all my past mistakes and feel like sharing this will help me come to terms with the evils in my past.