I also have to say. As I looked back on our relationship, I started to notice problems I had never noticed before, problems that I was to blame for and that I could have done something to solve. I realized that it was likely that I hadn't been a great boyfriend, and that people don't just magically "lose" interest, cheat on somebody they've been with unless they are unhappy for some reason. Recognizing my mistakes helped me realized that i hadn't been the innocent victim I'd believed myself to be. That I had a role to play in enabling the shitty relationship to continue for as long as it did. After all, people who date each other tend to have similar values. And if I dated someone with shitty values for that long, what did that say about me and my values? I learned the hard way that if the people in your relationship are selfish and doing hurtful things, it's likely you are too, you just don't realize it. In hindsight, I was able to look back and see warning signs of my ex character, signs I had chosen to ignore or brush off when I was with her. That was my fault. I could look back and see that I hadn't exactly been the boyfriend of the year to her either. In fact, I had often been cold and arrogant towards her, other times I took her for granted and blew her off and hurt her. These things were my fault too.