Recently experienced my first time paying a plumber. I've only ever lived in rented accommodation or lived with my parents. In the Former, the landlord pays, in the latter, my parents dealt with it.
I was staying with my parents for a bit, and some work needed doing on the washing machine - I was gonna be the only one at home, so my dad handed me £50 and asked me to sort it all out.
NP, I am a grown adult, father, and I am able to converse with real life man people who do jobs and are paid in cash. Don't you worry.
So I got ready with the patter:
Me: "alright mate? Traffic not too bad? Washing machine is through there, by the way." Plumber: "Yeah, cheers it wasn't too bad... Flange nimbler not fluctuating, isn't it?" Me: "that's right, yeah." Plumber: "yeah, the XM2056's always have problems with the flange nimbler, I make half my money re-calibrating the fluctuation on flange nimblers, haha!" Me: "Flange nimblers are the worst! Ours is always fluctuating out of sync!" Plumber: "Too right mate!"
This is going swimmingly, thinks I. I'm having a successful conversation with a blue-collar worker, and it's not at all obvious that I have no idea what he's doing or talking about.
Me: "cuppa tea mate?" Plumber: "Nah, you're alright, son"
Oh dear. This isn't anything like the simulations. He's supposed to take the tea and we're supposed to banter for 20 minutes while he does nothing to the machine.
Me: "you sure mate?"
The plumber gives me a sideways look as he fossiks around in the machine. I make two cups of tea regardless, and stand quietly in the kitchen sipping at mine for the next 10 minutes. The other cup cooling gently. My research hasn't prepared me for this, I am officially winging it.
Plumber: "riiiight... This is gonna take a minute, fella, you don't have to watch me if you've got better things to be doing" Me: "nah, I don't mind" The plumber gives me another look. I put my empty cup down. Another few minutes pass in silence. I don't know what to do with my hands. I drink the other cup of tea. It is cold. I don't enjoy it. 20 minutes later the plumber emerges from the machine holding a clump of hair and lint and other grey things I don't recognise.
Plumber: "this was your problem mate! I've replaced the Nimbler, shouldn't de-calibrate again for a while now."
He looks around for somewhere to put the wet clump. I hold out my nearly empty cup. He reluctantly drops it in.
Plumber: "that's £48 then, pal" I hand him two twenties and a ten. I expect him to take the cash and leave. To my astonishment he pulls a card machine out of his tool bag, prints out a receipt, signs it, and hands it to me, along with two £1 coins.
Me: "cheers mate" Plumber: "Mmm"
The plumber leaves and I shut the door quickly behind him. £48 for 30mins work. Not bad at all. £20 of that must've been a "dealing with a retarded millennial" fee.