I'm still not sure to be honest. My middle school life was the worst time of my life with how bullied I was.

I always felt I was nice to people and usually always stayed quiet out of respect and to make a good first impression. I played games all the time, went home immediately to play.

Friends betrayed me and harassed me for playing games all the time and just random things that I wasn't even sure of.

I think part of the insults were because I literally cried over everything. Someone spilled my skittles and I balled like a baby. I couldn't help it then it just happened, and they took advantage of it.

Worst part is a majority of them play games and follow esports. I just play games every now and then for fun.

I refused to curse until two years ago so if anyone insulted me I would call them grandma or monkey. Even called friends the same because it just became a funny thing to say. Never used it against those that would consider it racist except one bully that said I called her a Canadian monkey.

The confusing part for me was that in school or on the Internet I saw things about if you think everyone you know is an asshole, then you might be the asshole. So I was just confused and depressed thinking I was always to blame for my bullies.

Now I am mostly just a sarcastic asshole that doesn't like a lot of people but still shows respect to everyone I meet. Occasionally I get shitty people, but I figure it's just because they're jerks in general not because of who I am.

Still though, I wish I knew why they didn't like me then.. I think people I meet generally like me now, but it would have been nice to have more childhood friends.