[Serious] What was the closest you came to murdering or seriously harming someone?

I've never been in any real fights or anything, most just yelling matches with unruly fans (I do PA work for high school football), but one night during the playoffs this past year we had a guy approach our booth and start giving us shit because the home team was losing and, being the home team's announcer, I was obviously calling it in their favor. I tried to brush it off as just some asshole entitled prick parents unhappy that I'm not shitting myself with joy because his kid blocked somebody or made a tackle or something, but he was persistent and even tried to climb into the booth. My partner slammed the sliding window into his hand, but he still kept trying to come at me (at this point I had fired verbal shots back his way, calling him a yuppie precious piece of shit and such). I did have a fist cocked back for if he made it any closer, but security got involved quickly and made him go back to his seat.

BUT

In 10 minutes or so a mother came up to the window and said that she was not enjoying my call of the game and it was not professional and unpleasant to listen to. I told her to leave us alone and let us do our job. She kept mouthing and mouthing and I finally said "Look, I don't got down to McDonalds and tell you how to stick a dick in your mouth." Not really my best bit, but it was effective. Effective in that she walked away looking appalled and her husband came over to try to kick my ass, which I understand, but at that point I just did not give a fuck. Security removed him and then they had to stay late to make sure no one tried to get at me in the parking lot, where I carried my microphone like a nightstick just in case.

Not at all my proudest moment, but that's what I've got. I feel bad that security had to stay late, they were just the local PD on assignment, but I really appreciated it because at that point, I would have been trying to hurt anyone who gave me trouble.

tl;dr don't fuck with people at their jobs.

/r/AskReddit Thread