Had to make a throwaway for this one because wow I have a lot to say.

I suppose the biggest is the fact that my resentment toward her is starting to show. Every time we have a problem, she gets really distant and cold before trying to end the relationship. I sit there for months with crippling anxiety trying to figure out what I did wrong, while she does nothing but tell me how 'fine' things are between us. Reluctantly I believe her when she tells me this. Then, out of nowhere she'll try to end the relationship. We've been together for nearly 5 years.

I'm afraid to even talk about how much it hurts even months after the fact, the distrust I feel. The avoidance, the rejection. I know she notices I grow more distant. I don't want to lose her.

But this, is driving me literally insane. Every day I wake up wondering if I'm going to have to literally beg the person I want to marry to stay with me.

As much as she tries to tell me I'm her world, and I mean everything to her. It doesn't feel like it most of the time because I don't really understand what's happening.

Not to mention the fact that, I can't even tell her when I think I'm getting depressed, because it just gets disregarded because apparently crying can't be a symptom of depression. I have to hold everything back, and end up complaining about little things that don't matter to the point where the cycle begins again.

It felt pretty good to get that off my chest. I've been holding on to this for over a year now.