I've been working on myself seriously with meditation and contemplation and abstinence (from my overstimulation days).

I took 5g of shrooms after a while of working on myself.

The trip was intense. I had the most beautiful, liberating catharsis ever. Years and years of trapped emotions spilled out with unprecedented fluidity and ease.

The last bit had me crying on the floor, covered in my own bodily excretions (spit, snot, tears). I was incredibly sad. But the crying felt amazing.

After the crying I slowly calmed down... and then became Extremely happy. I felt like a kid again. I felt extremely grateful to be alive. And I felt love the first time in my life, and it was coming from within.

In that moment it truly felt like I would be blissfully ok for the rest of my life. I felt like I had cried out all the bullshit and was ready to proceed with life from a place of happiness, self-love, and empowerment.

Well, it wasn't the case. But I did learn a lot that day. I am applying that knowledge. And life keeps getting a little bit better every day.