This will probably be buried. A few years ago I was suicidal. My family but especially my Mom was what kept me from doing it. I remember clearly in my car wanting to drive it into a wall, but I realized how devastated my whole family would be especially my Mom. I didn't want to bring them that type of pain on them, so I drove home. After some other shenanigans later like running away from home out of shame, I ended up seeing a therapist which helped. Now in addition to my family, I look for other things that make me happy, that make me feel like if I were to die I would miss out on some cool stuff or experiences. It's still hard now in a sense. I don't have any friends that are not family and I constantly feel like there is a barrier between me and other people. I feel like I'm ok now mentally, the thought of suicide hasn't come over in a year but I do feel lonely.