Trigger warning: self harm

I'm 17 and feel like I'm running out of time. My best friend, whom I'd been with for about 3~4 years, left me a couple months ago to chase some dream. She was with me for just about all the problems I'd had, we had sworn that we would be best friends for a really long time. Just about all of my other friends had already left but I had though we were closer, and with her I felt like things would be okay.

Now it's been almost 3 months since she left. In that time I turned 17 and it was the first birthday I've had where nobody remembered, not even my parents. So I bought myself a gift of some alchohol and shaving razors and I'll spare you the details of what I've been doing for the past few weeks. I've got nothing else to do, can't get a job because my parents are high risk for covid and I would hate to hurt them, and I haven't learned to drive yet and won't until this virus is gone.

Tldr my future looks like shit, best friend left me, and I blame and hurt myself every night because of it.

It's one thing to be alone, it's a whole lot worse to finally taste love and happiness and then lose it.

Thanks for asking, OP. Feels good to get some of that out.