Thinking about my pets having shitty new owners, mostly. I think about my dog's face all sad and missing me. He would forever wonder what happened to me. That boy is my everything and we're attached at the hip. Second, I think that I could at least try to better my life more before doing something so drastic. Stick it out and then that's always an alternative if I just can't take it anymore. No one else would miss me or even know that I'm gone for quite a while. I feel very alone. My huge losses are what make me feel suicidal in the first place, especially on the drive to work in the morning. Memories pop in my head and they just about kill me.