This is a topic that hits home, and hits home hard. I know this will get seen but that doesn't matter.
I've been with my current S/O for almost 4 years, living together 3 1/2 or so now. We jumped into the living arrangement pretty fast but it has worked out wonderfully and I've never looked back.
About 2 1/2 years ago we were struggling to make ends meat and I had a job offer come up making 3 times a month what I was making now, the catch you ask? I'm away in a work camp 3 weeks at a time. This is when things started going down hill.
Within a month my S/O was having panic attacks, something she had before but were mild. She wasn't getting out of bed, missing work, feeling sick every day. When I would talk to her at night she was either out of control crying or almost non-responsive.
I finally convinced her to see her Doctor, she recommend 3 weeks off work to start, this turned into 2 years so far off from work, she was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety disorder.
She spent the next 8-9 months basically on the couch, struggling to do anything when I wasn't home, no motivation, no drive, feeling guilty as she was unemployed now, I did everything I could to be supportive. We found a good therapist and got her taking medications, the medications helped, she was getting better, but very slowly.
We had an episode during this time where I almost lost her. She almost killed herself while we were camping, with MY shotgun i had with us for animal protection. She didn't, the thought of her little brother & I having to clean up the mess stopped her. I found this out later during a therapy session I was asked to attend.
That fall, she started working out & doing other activities, finally convinced her to start all this stuff and it did more than the medications ever did.
Almost a year later, 2 semesters of upgrading and college and many ups and downs later she is doing better but still struggles almost day to day.
The pain and anguish I have witnessed this beautiful, amazing, intelligent women go through is unimaginable. Even going through the last 2 years with her, I will never understand what she goes through everyday, NO ONE will have any idea until they have been through this themselves. She is the strongest person I know and I love her more and more and I respect her more and more every day.
I've often wondered how I would feel towards her if she had decided to check out that day in august. I know I would be devastated, I would lose the best part of my life. I hope I would never of been angry with her for that choice, no one should have to live with that kind of mental anguish but I don't know if at that time I could of not felt anger, at least for awhile.
As time has gone on, I've had to reevaluate a lot of my thoughts of mental health, mood disorders and my opinions on suicide. I don't begrudge anyone who takes the "easy way out" anymore, I don't believe that it is the easy way out, I think for some, it is the only way out. The mental, and physical anguish they live in day after day, week after week and in a lot of cases, year after year I would not wish on anyone, for any reason.
This was very long winded, and I didn't intend to type all this out, but it has been good for me to say, as I don't talk about it much with anyone.