First off, she walks at a snail’s pace. This is annoying in and of itself, as I have longer legs and am a fairly brisk walker. I’ve tried to slow down to her pace, but it’s just uncomfortable and awkward.

So we’ve settled into a routine. I walk at about half my normal speed, and she follows along behind. If we’re walking a longer distance, I’ll occasionally wait for her to catch up. It’s odd, but it works for us.

Except when we’re in a store. She just stops randomly or darts down an aisle. By the time I stop or look back, she’s disappeared. Then I get to spend the next 3 or 4 minutes looking for her. This might happen 4 or 5 times in one trip to the grocery store. I’ve mentioned it no less than 10,000 times over the last 20 years, and I’m sure she does it deliberately at this point just to piss me off.

I fantasize about just leaving her there. Getting in the car and driving away, starting over in a new place where people walk at a normal pace. It would easily take her several months to walk the six tenths of a mile home from the store, so by the time she got home, I’d be long gone.