During a particularly dark period coming up on 20 years ago I drove out to the most remote spot I could find with the intent of killing myself. I left a note in the car and walked until I was far enough from the road I felt it would be awhile before anyone found me. I laid out a blanket and started to prepare but as I was doing so felt an intense and profound feeling of disappointment in myself. I walked back to the car and drove home and ended up dealing with my problems. I went back to the same spot 10 years later to reflect on the experiences I would not have had if I went through with it and intend on doing so again every 10 years until I die.