Warning: long post ahead, but I really want to say this.

I have had anxiety issues and am currently taking Xanax and seeing a very good psychiatrist. A few months back I had a total breakdown, result of a very stressful life and finally triggered by a very shitty 2015. I had all the symptoms; cried a lot, was afraid, felt I was going insane, feared I was secretly a psycho, intrusive thoughts, anger swings, compulsive behaviour, feeling physically hypersensitive, insomnia, felt apathetic...

I got much better thanks to therapy, support of people who love me and taking medication. But I only seeked help when it was getting unberable, when the pain was huge. I really wish I had looked for help before that, at the beginning of it. When I felt something was wrong, but it wasn't yet taking over.

Thanks to therapy and moderate medication, I went from being a wreck to feeling fine again. I got to the point where I looked back and could not believe that was me, crying and not sleeping.

It is really possible to get that much better.

In just a month and a half, I did a complete 180 degree turn. Recent stress brought it out again somewhat (possily also due to quitting medication a little too soon), but this time it is much easier to feel better. Because 1) I now knew how to face it and how to act 2) I had the crutch of medication to make the tranistion less painful.

To everybody saying that it's scary to ask for help and discover you have an issue, I have something to say. This realization was the breakthrough moment for me, the beginning of healing.

You must realize that the issue is not something wrong about you, or rather, that you are not the problem. You have the problem. You're not rotten, you're not broken, you're not horrible.

You are in pain. You do not deserve it, it does not make you weak or horrible and you are not harming anyone. You are the person who deserves help, care and love. Treat yourself with the kindness you'd use in seeing someone else or someone you love sufferng. That's you; you're in pain. You're not a monster, you're the victim of something unfair that's beyond your control and you did not go looking for. It is bad luck.

You will be amazed at the response you'll get by those wo know and love you when you tell them your doubts. And you will be amazed at how common, trivial or manageable a competent therapist will make your problems look.

I cannot tell you how heatwarming it was for me to see the response of my girlfriend, family and friends. Not for a second did they think I was a psycho or going insane; all they saw was the truth. That I was in pain and needed help. They saw a good person they loved who needed help. And help is all I needed.

And I cannot tell you how a good therapist helped me make sense of very complex emotions I had inside.

My point is this; seek help. Share your feelings. You are not a monster, you are the victim of very unfair things. Of stress, pain and the chemical reaction they cause in your brain.

It can be treated, it can get better. I'm not saying it'll be easy or immediate or definitive. But seeking help is the first and only step you can take to set on that path. And you'll be glad you did.

I went from feeling like a monster; feeling I did not deserve to be better, finding no joy in things I used to love, wondering how I'd go on, to enjoying life again.

In only a month and a half I went from crying every night to arguing about Batman on here again. I can't tell you the relief I felt at being interested in trivial shit again.

You can feel better. It's not easy, but it's not as hard as it feels when you're really bleeding inside. I swear it.

Every now and then it tries to come back or manages to, for a while. But it makes a world of difference to remember how people see you and what a therapist told you. It makes all the difference when you realize you are fine; you are a good person who needs help.

Just like someone with a broken leg needs a crutch and time to heal, so do you. And you deserve that help.

And, believe me, a good therapist and people who know and love you will not lose respect for you and throw you away when you reveal what's haunting you. They'll reassure you and feel sypmathy for you and tell you that you're not going insane. That it can be ok again.

And you know what's awesome? They are not lying to make you feel better. It;'s the truth; you can feel better and there's nothing wrong about you. Just see it as something to be treated, like a cold or a rash. Because it's really no different. It just feels huge because it's in your head and the mind can be a lying bitch sometimes.

I hope this is not too rambling, I kind of went stream of consciousness. But I wanted to tell people that it can get better and share my experience. I hope I can help people believe they deserve to feel better.

I'm not saying that everyone's the same. There are tons of different issues one can have. But you will be amazed at how common your feelings are and I am telling you there's a very good chance it can be treated. Defeated, or at least made far less painful.

But seeking help has to be the first step to feel better. And there's no shame in doing it and people will not judge you for doing so. As I said, you're not the problem, you have a problem.

I hope this makes sense and conveys what I meant; I hope people who have or are suffering will read this and be encouraged to make that first step. Because you are your worst enemy when you are suffering, you sabotage yourself. Have the strenght to fight that part of you that wants to keep you in the dark abd tell you you're sick and deserve to suffer.