I won't try to get too personal, but.... fuck-it, story time. Let's set the stage: My girlfriend of 3 years comes from a very troubled background. Minor details: her fathers father was part of the SS, saw and probably did some terrible things, and was the type of father you would expect to her dad. Her dad, in turn, was a domineering 6'3 250 lb+ alcoholic who married a beautiful bi-polar alcoholic who came from some sever physical and sexual abuse. After a spiral down from the time my girlfriend was 6, they went from being a "normal family" to the mother and father fighting all the time and the father working all the time and the mother mentally and physically abusing the kids while high on anti-depressants and drinking nonstop; almost every car-ride a roller-coaster of fun. After their divorce, about 15 years ago, the mother spiraled further, being evicted several times, and hooking up with many others of similar socio-economic-pschological development. My girlfriend loved her mother, but, at one point, after my girlfriend left her fathers place due to an abuse as an adult, she moved and her mom moved into her apartment shortly after. After a few months of alcoholism and fearing living in her own apartment, she kicked her mom out with several weeks notice. Her mom didn't even look for a place. The day she was to move, my girlfriend rented a storage facility and had friends offer to move her stuff. He mom showed up drunk, and came out of the room less than dressed trying to pick a fight. That was 1 year before I met my girlfriend.
Enter me, stable family, though my father is a bit of a boarder line sociopath, the really good type that everyone loves, if he wants you to: but that is another story. My girlfriend and I date for about a year then move in together. During this time, I see her mother about 4 times. My girlfriend mentioned where we lived once, in passing, but it is hard to find, and her mom never showed any interest in helping with anything. I build her a computer (old, but functional - a few hundred dollars), and we give her the extras from our move-in together, mainly a TV, DVD player, some odd furniture, and kitchen stuff. Over the next year, my girlfriend cuts her out of her life due to alcohol and the next spiral down where her mom got evicted from the lowest housing in the city, losing everything we gave her. The only time she called was for us to help drive her around or help her latest boyfriend with time, effort, and money, she was usually drunk when she called. I said no. My girlfriend, during this time (over one year) went into the hospital for 2 fairly major surgeries. My mom helped out for the second one, staying for a bit because I was busy with school. Her mom was no where to be seen. Fast forward a few months later, her mom is knocking at our door, unannounced, out of the blue.
After sitting her down on our porch and explaining the damage she has caused over the years to my girlfriends mental health, I told her in no uncertain terms that if she was to develop a relationship again, she needed to do it slowly. Maybe call ahead and come by for tea, meet in neutral places, and show that she was no longer a threat to my girlfriend: and ONLY while 100% sober. My girlfriend was listening behind the door. She came out, had a 20 minute conversation, and her mom let us know she was in a womans shelter one block closer to the park. There was some festival going on and she suggested we meet her, we were both busy, and had to decline the impromptu request, but agreed to meet sometime later.
This was at 3pm.
After a long day, we went to bed, and I got up at 5AM to go to the bathroom. After that, my girlfriend got up and came back shortly after. "There is someone or something in the living room, ""What?" I say, half-conscious, "I think someone broke in." We leave the door unlocked, normally, as we are in a really hard to find place, think back yard, multiple gates, and one way lanes surrounding us. I can't give an address if someone wants to find it, I usually have to draw maps with instructions, type of place. Sure enough, her mom, after no contact for many months, and the first time she showing up, showed up at approx 3AM, and checked the door (we never told her we didn't lock it), crawling onto the couch and covering herself with the cat blanket. The kicker is that I sleep naked, which means I walked back and forth totally nude while going to the washroom. I told my girlfriend to wait till 9AM. I told her I would deal with it: this did little to prevent the anxiety attack my girlfriend was currently going through, scared we would get in trouble if we had to call the cops, as our landlord lives upstairs, and likes the same quiet we do.
I get dressed, at 9:00 AM, I call to her mom. I call again, louder, and in a foggy stupor, she wakes up - obviously drunk and trying to sleep it off. I ask her what the hell is she doing in our place, uninvited? Did she know she was trespassing, and was doing the exact opposite we had talked about less than a day ago? Her story involved someone stealing her shoes and her having to steal someone else's shoes, and having hurt her leg when "attacked" while at the festival. She said that she came to our place because it was closer (it was not). She hinted at staying. I told her to get her stuff, and she complained that she couldn't walk due to her leg. I said, "I can give you a ride to the shelter or the hospital, or the police station but that is it." "So you are kicking me out?" I was floored. I repeated "I will only give you a ride to the hospital or the shelter or police station," adding, "and you are never to return, this is exactly the emotional abuse I told you that was hurting your daughter, and this cannot happen again. ever."
She swore at me, and hobbled down the road toward the shelter, saying she can't believe I would be so mean to someone who was hurt. I could smell the alcohol on her as she walked past.
That was the last time she came by. She has called three times in the last year, both times, I am sure she wanted something, the third, was on her own birthday: she never called on her daughters birthday.
Sadly, I don't think this is the "end" - but my girlfriend and I are moving in 9 months, probably out of town. My girlfriend has no mother, anymore, and due to abuse, she has also cut out her father.
I suppose I have no in-laws, but each day we never know when they may re-appear, asking for money, or familial obligation which has been trained by decades of abuse and guilt, clawing and shredding at my girlfriends sanity.