I ended up with practically no friends partly of my own doing and because other people stopped talking to me.

I've had friends who are terrible with communication and I sort of just let them do that.

Then there were these 2 friends. I used to talk to them on a daily basis, and eventually they would unload about their depression/anxiety. I usually would try to do a "pep" talk or basically try to convince one of them to not commit suicide. It eventually became draining and I decided to ghost them. It sort of hurt to do that because it was so purposeful. But I did it because I could not handle that sort of emotional baggage anymore. It took up too much energy, and when it came time for my boyfriend to need my emotional support, I didn't have a lot, which is terrible because he is my priority. I should always have enough for him.

So those 2 were the last "good friends" I had. And while I'll welcome any friendship, I am also sort of picky. So I've made peace with no friends. I do have my boyfriend, so it's not loneliness for me, I just crave some feminine energy. Which is really weird, but I don't know how else to describe it.

I think I don't 'cope' with it anymore, it just is part of my day. I'm in solitude, I'm not lonely. But when I was "coping" with it, I turned to internet communities, and found some really great friends. I still talk to them and even met a few. :)