It's not so simple. I've resisted and keep it to decent tips ($10-30) but my bartender does this to men. She makes you feel like she really likes you. Like you're special. It's not just flirty shit, either. She'll bring stuff in specifically for you, because she saw it and it made her think of you. She doesn't charge me for most of what I order. I tracked once, and what should have been a $64 tab was $12. I, of course, gave her $30 as a tip. She'll randomly text asking how you're doing, how your day's going, etc.

I say all of this, but I'm honestly not even sure myself if she genuinely likes me like that or not. I mean, I broke down and told her once that of all of the bartenders I had played this game with she was the only one I grew feeling for; and she admitted having feelings as well. But I know the game. I play it back. I've been doing it a long time. But this one has started to fuck with me. She's the only person I've ever crushed on that hard. The only person both my mother and sister would like. She made me happy, and in the process made me realize how miserable I was. Made me realize exactly how broken my marriage is.

But, so what if it's real? We live on different planets. I'm a homebody engineer, she's a suicide girl that I damned well know sleeps around. She's not made much effort to conceal that. I even recently told her that I wouldn't fuck her because I was married and knew it would end up hurting her in the long run. And she hasn't been so friendly towards me since. Which is fucking with me. Makes me feel like maybe I'm purposefully fucking myself into "the one who got away." But it seems just as likely that I've fallen into her trap. I know she does a lot of the same tricks on other guys there. I've seen it.

It's not so simple.