Sex positive/relationship integrity questions

This only has a little to do with swinging, but more with communication. I am feeling trapped in my relations due to lack of communication and hypocrisy on the part of my wife. I almost feel it impossible to talk about anything sex related. For the first year or 2 of our marriage we where up to all sort of antics and even discussed openly swinging. She was an exhibitionist and I was her encourager. Now things seem to be full of hypocrisy in our discussions and I do not know how to get our the hipocrasy to the REAL issue. I will mention a few and you will notice the pattern. I bought her a low cut causual dress. She bought a camp to put under it. I made a comment it would be nice for you not to where the camp when we went out on a date, she said no way other people may see. Today she wore the dress without the cami to work. She claims not to be into anything like BDSM. However when we have very rough sex, evan to the point where her tits and next is bleeding I apologize, she says how dare I apologize it was great, I go to try to talk about it and she says that she is not into that kind of things At one point we shared fantasys about 3+ some. This stopped when after sharing each fantasy I would get a lecture on the definition of monogamy, evan when it was her fantasy. She reads online porn a lot and has some friends online, and one former co-worker that she talks with about porn all the time. Whenever I mention that that we should find friends we can be sexy/talk sext with she brings up emily post and live your life like the front page of the NY Times. I think that you can see the general situation. Any advice on how to get my wife to open up more? Or at least stop brining up responsibility everytime we have a sexy conversation? Also is there anywhere to meet swingers just to talk. I know that may sound silly. But I am not necessarily interested in swinging, just to create a space where my wife and I can talk to others about sex so we can improve our own sex life. Every other aspect of my life when I want to improve something I talk to others. Why should sex be any different?

/r/Swingers Thread Parent