The 5 love languages was the first thing that came to my mind when I read your post.
I feel the same as ur H. No sex or bad sex, then what are we doing? Sex and intimacy are something I cannot get from anyone else. Everything else is important (good parenting, hard worker, etc) but as husband and wife, sex is needed. Back to the 5LL.... We listed them in order of importance and we had completely opposite lists.

I like to stay positive so I found the positive in it... I like a challenge. Lol Being opposite leads me to discover new ways to love and be loved. Over time it leads to more trust and growth (assuming both people are committed and openly communicate). Just like there are many ways to express love through kind tasks or nonsexual bonding activities, there are a lot of ways to express love through sex.